Crazy.

I've arrived in the land of the Raj and have already spent 45% of my time on the lavatory. Certain parts of me look like a promo poster from 'The Letters of Iwo Jima'.

Amazing flight over here. I hate planes so I often cower and whimper in the corner during aeronautical flight but I had the opportunity to soil myself in the lap of luxury this time. 2 bottles of Dom Perignon and a bowl of Chili Lentil soup saw me dancing in the aisles.

I now realise this is frowned upon within Indian cultures.

Only bar open when we arrived was the nightclub at the hotel. You've never lived until you've witnessed three thousand Indians dancing to an Eminem remix. It was like a Bollywood interpretation of mass anaphylactic shock. Think I stood out a little bit in my cream chinos and brown sports jacket. Too hot for the Barbour though...

I've made an arse of the technology so i'm struggling to upload any photos but i'll sort it out. Mumbai is s little mental but don't believe the hype - I haven't seen any shit strewn streets or fields of beggars. Everyone just seems really friendly.

I'm off because the lentil soup is calling me again and I must obey. Missing everyone already.

Hope all is well.

See you soon.