I was looking for a pack of cards - something of a novelty on the sub-continent - and found the only pack of 'Hot Wheels' cards in the whole of India. Age 3+. I looked quite the Poker legend in the bar that night. Apparently public gambling is frowned upon here - they had to call the bouncer in the bar becasue none of the waiters wanted to upset Mifter Andoo. So i adjourned to the cafe and came upon three lovely lads who run a local sweatshop. Me and Paul toasted them for several thousand Rupees on the Texas Hold'em and scampered into the night.
Paul left on Sunday morning so i've been wandering lonley as a cloud. Spent all of Sunday in bed watching Life on Mars. Cracking show - and I quote "he moved as fast as a bunch of spastics in a magnet factory". Wish I had a webcam so you could have seen a live feed of me laughing uproariously, with a pair of headphones, on my own. Sewell would have put me in the Special Bus there and then.
Found a friend tonight in the bar - his name's Jim and he's from Kentucky. Did me a great deal on my Twizzler. He's here to exploit the middle classes of India too. Looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin but with more tattoos. Presented an eloquent diatribe on the Amercian clawing for Democaracy behind a face of totalitarianism. I had to tell him that what was he meant of course. He's from Kentucky.
I'm gonna go for a big, dirty curry now. I haven't eaten in three days and I think I deserve it.
I feel a genuine connection with the great Geoffrey Boycott who, upon his return from a test tour of India, was asked by a local Yorshire (they love gravy) journalist what he most missed about England. The wifebeating No. 3 said,
"Farting with confidence"
I love that story. Looking forward to it myself.
Missing everyone. Moving house on Monday (well i'll be there in spirit) so I trust everyone will join me for a house warming at some point soon.
Hope all is well.
One fella followed us for a few miles until I thought I could lose him by dashing into oncoming traffic to cross the road without him. I narrowly escaped with my life and he was clipped by a Tuk Tuk. Apparently the urge to defeat hunger is greater than the need to avoid high speed collisions.
These people aren't stupid of course and I do look like I know the way to KFC...
We nearly missed the plane at Heathrow. A fraught check-in lady tannoyed our names as we hadn't turned up (turns out everyone in the lounge was off to New York - I thought they were just posh and didn't feel like queueing. Tried to get me some of that action). A baggage handling trolley then came screaming around the corner to pick us up.
Now the indignity, of the necessity, to have to sit astride a loading vehicle to be taken anywhere is tampered only by one thing... The slowing of said vehicle as we reached a ramp. As the loader became stationary and looked like rolling backwards (the fear in the lady's eyes will only be matched this Summer by Hostel II actresses) Paul and I leapt from the elephant golf cart which then rocketed towards it's destination with us jogging/puffing behind. I apologised but the lady had retreated into a zen-like state of non-awareness to avoid any permanent brain damage due to abject fear.
I recognise this as one of life's lessons and I have vowed to use the cross trainer more (technically, just once would be more but i've never trusted semantics).
Off to Intelenet in a bit. A little nervous as to the size of the task but i'm looking forward to it.
See you tomorrow for some more trite commentary and lambastic verisimilitude.
Hope all is well.
