Morning all.

Sorry i've been away for so long. Promise i'll update you as often as possible from now on.

What can I say, it's been a crazy week. Took a Tuk Tuk down to the 'Hollywood of Mumbai' on Saturday. Pretty much the same as the 'Shithouse of Mumbai' but a lot more people selling belts for some reason. Quite agressive sellers but went strangely quiet as I passed....

I was looking for a pack of cards - something of a novelty on the sub-continent - and found the only pack of 'Hot Wheels' cards in the whole of India. Age 3+. I looked quite the Poker legend in the bar that night. Apparently public gambling is frowned upon here - they had to call the bouncer in the bar becasue none of the waiters wanted to upset Mifter Andoo. So i adjourned to the cafe and came upon three lovely lads who run a local sweatshop. Me and Paul toasted them for several thousand Rupees on the Texas Hold'em and scampered into the night.

Paul left on Sunday morning so i've been wandering lonley as a cloud. Spent all of Sunday in bed watching Life on Mars. Cracking show - and I quote "he moved as fast as a bunch of spastics in a magnet factory". Wish I had a webcam so you could have seen a live feed of me laughing uproariously, with a pair of headphones, on my own. Sewell would have put me in the Special Bus there and then.

Found a friend tonight in the bar - his name's Jim and he's from Kentucky. Did me a great deal on my Twizzler. He's here to exploit the middle classes of India too. Looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin but with more tattoos. Presented an eloquent diatribe on the Amercian clawing for Democaracy behind a face of totalitarianism. I had to tell him that what was he meant of course. He's from Kentucky.

I'm gonna go for a big, dirty curry now. I haven't eaten in three days and I think I deserve it.

I feel a genuine connection with the great Geoffrey Boycott who, upon his return from a test tour of India, was asked by a local Yorshire (they love gravy) journalist what he most missed about England. The wifebeating No. 3 said,

"Farting with confidence"

I love that story. Looking forward to it myself.

Missing everyone. Moving house on Monday (well i'll be there in spirit) so I trust everyone will join me for a house warming at some point soon.

Hope all is well.