Mumbai is a contradictory beast.

Filth and Fortune. Beggars and Bankers. Went for a wander today around the city. It's a sprawling mass of towers, hotels, dead dogs and rain. Everyone is extremely friendly - even the beggars who, we discovered, will quite happily follow you for miles just a few steps behind quietly asking for dinner.

I still can't get any Rupees because my bank has all the capability of a shitty stick. So when I tell people I haven't any money i'm not lying. I'd literally give them all the dinner they wanted. Bollocks to the notion that this will somehow harm them through the evil of local capitalism. Here's a few quid - go get yourself a Quarterpounder. Enjoy yourself...

One fella followed us for a few miles until I thought I could lose him by dashing into oncoming traffic to cross the road without him. I narrowly escaped with my life and he was clipped by a Tuk Tuk. Apparently the urge to defeat hunger is greater than the need to avoid high speed collisions.

These people aren't stupid of course and I do look like I know the way to KFC...

We nearly missed the plane at Heathrow. A fraught check-in lady tannoyed our names as we hadn't turned up (turns out everyone in the lounge was off to New York - I thought they were just posh and didn't feel like queueing. Tried to get me some of that action). A baggage handling trolley then came screaming around the corner to pick us up.

Now the indignity, of the necessity, to have to sit astride a loading vehicle to be taken anywhere is tampered only by one thing... The slowing of said vehicle as we reached a ramp. As the loader became stationary and looked like rolling backwards (the fear in the lady's eyes will only be matched this Summer by Hostel II actresses) Paul and I leapt from the elephant golf cart which then rocketed towards it's destination with us jogging/puffing behind. I apologised but the lady had retreated into a zen-like state of non-awareness to avoid any permanent brain damage due to abject fear.

I recognise this as one of life's lessons and I have vowed to use the cross trainer more (technically, just once would be more but i've never trusted semantics).

Off to Intelenet in a bit. A little nervous as to the size of the task but i'm looking forward to it.

See you tomorrow for some more trite commentary and lambastic verisimilitude.

Hope all is well.